Contemplative Order of the Drunken Masters

With applogise to The Plain White Tees and Eben Brooks

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:08:56 +0000

Sung to “Hey There Delilah” by the Plain White T’s
written By Eben Brooks
modded by me to fit better I think.

Hey there Chthulhu down there in your sunken city
You’re a billion light-years distant and the stars they look so pretty
From R’lyeh
So close and yet so far away. Ia Iay.

Chthulhu fuh-TAH-gun, or is that Chthulhu fuh-TINE?
I can never quite remember ’cause I’m not in my right minds
Since I met you
No one corrupts the way you do. You know it’s true

Oh, it’s what you’ll do to me
Oh, and all humanity
Oh, you’ll rise up from the sea
Oh, kill everyone slowly
Except the ones like me

Hey there Chthulhu, I’ve been studying your gospel
The Necronomicon, it gives me nightmares something awful
Where I see
The death of all reality. It fills me with glee

So when the stars are right, you’ll come and do your worst
But that’s okay because I know you’ll eat the cultists like me first
When you get here
I know that day is drawing near. I have no fear

Oh, it’s what you’ll do to me
Oh, and all humanity
Oh, you’ll rise up from the sea
Oh, kill everyone slowly

A billion light-years seems so far
Below the sea, beyond the stars
Of these putrid human souls you’ll drink your fill
The fools will all make fun of me
But I’ll just laugh maniacally
‘Cause no one’s ever suffered like they will
Chthulhu, I can promise you
That by the time this cult gets through
The world will never ever be the same!
Praise your dark name!

Phn’glui mglw’nafh Chthulhu R’lyeh wagn’nagl fhtagn
Boy, that’s really quite a mouthful, can’t quite cram it in my noggin
Not today
I try to say it anyway
I feel my soul being to fray
Still I await that frabjous day
Chthulhu calay!

Oh, it’s what you’ll do to me
Oh, and all humanity
Oh, you’ll rise up from the sea
Oh, kill everyone slowly
Except the ones like me
Oh, kill everyone but me
Everyone but me

Election Day

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:40:05 +0000

Well it has come to pass. It is election day. I decided to not vote my conscious in favor of the lesser of two evils method of voting. I feel regret about that but I can’t quite say why. I guess I’m disappointed that there is very little chance that I’ll ever get to vote for someone that I want to win who will have a good chance of winning.

Here’s hoping that the New Crew will be able to magic some economic head way.

The Saga of the Moving Zombie

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:23:50 +0000

I moved to a new place; an apartment in the same apartment complex but 5 buildings down. With Gene’s help I moved Grandma Snyder’s lion claw table, the couch, and my bed. I moved everything else in three days. Saturday night, when I could have been out with my friends or my not quite girl friend, after 12 hours of moving, sore and tired, I got in my car to go get some toilet paper when I backed out of my spot and ran into someone. The whole weekend sucked but I accomplished quite a lot. I got a lot of exercise and have lost 5 pounds. I’m in a clean and wonderful apartment and just need to unpack, organize, and toss out the useless junk.

I’ve re-un-quit

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:27:33 +0000

So first I quit. Then they talked me down and I un-quit. Then things went really shitty and I re-quit. Now we got my replacement in and she got scared off after one day and they really want me to stay. This morning I re-un-quit.

Nothing I do is normal. I can’t even quit a job like a normal person.

Hail Eris; Out in space
Punching Assholes in the Face.

Fuck damnit!

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:41:58 +0000

One day! One fucking day! I’ve scared the crap out of my new windows admin in one ape mascerating day. She has already talked to the contracting liaison about not working here any more and she seems to have made up her mind to get out so quick that she doesn’t want to even be here tomorrow.

I am going to catch so much hell from all sides.

I don’t know what the heck is going to happen. I am probably going to be in my windows admin role for a while longer and my future boss might have to fill the position. We might not be able to get some one else fast. The was one other candidate but my boss wasn’t to stoked about that guy.

Oh well. We’ll see what happens. I hope this doesn’t suck too much.

Two Months give or take forever

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:07:39 +0000

I re-quit two months ago. I’ve had enough time to reconsider my desciosion, help pick a new person to replace me, get that person hired, tell the old boss I didn’t really want to quit any more and go back on my promise to myself that I wouldn’t miss the money. Technically we hired her three weeks ago and the background check people took this long to get her cleared and her paper work arranged.

I’m going to get my new chair for about a week and then I’m going to lose it in favor of one of the old crap 1970’s chairs. I think I’m going to be able to keep my flat panel and computer. I’m disappointed and relieved at the same time. Does that make sense to you?

I just want to quit thinking for a few months, hang out with my not-yet girlfriend, and relax.

I need a hug and for a bunch of people to tell me everything is going to be all right and some sex. Not necessarily in that order.

What is normal?

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:23:15 +0000

“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.”
– Ellen Goodman (1941 - )

Normal is doing what other people tell you to to get things that other people tell you you want. Normal is making sure the things you’ve been told you want are better than the things your social groups have. Normal is trying to get a better paying job even if you don’t like it. Normal is never being happy where you are and believeing that happiness comes from aquiring new things. Normal is doing what you are expected to do. Normal is following the rules.

Why does anyone want to be normal? The only reason that I can see, immmediately, is that if you aren’t normal there are people who get upset and try to make you normal; Which can be boring, painful or terminal.

Uncertinty in an uncertain time

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:20:24 +0000

The economy is collapsing. I’m taking a pay cut to go back to an old job. There’s no telling where we’re going. Or which way the rower’s rowing. I’m burnt out and want a nap.

Here’s a theory; I’m a chaos engine. All the crazy stuff that happens in the world and my life comes from me. When things are extra strange and scary, I get tired from all the energy I unconsciously expend. Vise versa when things are more normal.

What does it mean when I laugh at the financial situation we are in? Why do I smile and laugh more the more I hear the economist nash and cry? How sick am I in the head or am I sick at all?

Hail Eris that Bitch!

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:34:11 +0000

She does love her little jokes. Occationally she likes to scare you until your asshole clenches so hard that you can fart a note that can only be heard by dogs. The important point is they let me go. Remember to make sure your tail lights work.

Too much fun

Pope Zombie Bandersnatch — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:55:20 +0000

As I’ve posted before my best friend is getting married. He has just given me the honor of being his best man and I thank him for it. This does however mean that I have a lot to plan. I have a speech to write a party to plan, and a wedding to help coordinate. !! IN LAS VEGAS !! I’ve gotta come up with an acceptable wedding present. Best yet he is a fellow Discordian so this is just going to be one massive trip.

A pair of Discordian nut jobs and associated friends are going to meet up in a surreal and maddening place to celebrate a ritual. I can’t imagine what all is going to happen. We’ll have to find out.

I promise to come up with all sorts of crazy plans and to not be disappointed when you tell me no.